School is over

   Which is something I am very happy about. Okay, maybe not very happy, because I have got a lot of free time now = boredom = eating too much = fuck, but I have a low-calorie meal plan (later on that).
   I have won a prize at the end of the school year: a diploma and some money. I had curls (who didn't?) and a pretty, white dress. We had a theater play last night 9mom and psychotherapist came) and I ended up with lots of bruises, but I managed to cover them up.

   I will stay at my grandma's for the summer, because I have no control when I am at home. My grandmother has absolutely no junk food in her house, she barely has any food except the one she cooks, which feels "safe" for me. I will go to the gym, do my summer homework (some reading and exercises), I will take the longest walks and, hopefully, go out with B. We have been talking quite a bit lately, and he was the one initiating the conversations. I thought I'd give him some time and space, but it looks like he wants things to be different, too. I hope he does.

   I have also managed to stick to my eating plan for this week: Monday and Tuesday water only, Wednesday eat, Thursday I drunk water and coke zero (and burnt a thousand times the coke calories at the theater play, we sweated like pigs) and today (Friday) was an only-liquids day, not lower than 500 (I think?), but still, they are liquids. I expect a lower weight tomorrow morning.

   The book I finished reading today is Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. I liked it very much, I liked the way she put the words and showed what a struggle it can be to have an eating disorder. She nearly died - we all feel like dying quite often, on the inside. I do not know if I liked this or  Wasted  more. The latter was an autobiography, it was also quite "triggering" (read: it made me angry because I couldn't bring myself as close to death as the author has brought herself), making me cut exactly 200 times on my ankle, but I turned out alright. I would read it again, because I am not in a binge-purge mode right now. I am in restrict-purge mode, which is a better mode to be in when reading Wasted.

   The next book on my list is "Girl, Interrupted." I have it on my Kindle, it is only 59 pages there, but the writing is so small I can't even read it, so it must be way more than 59 pages. At least double, 160 -something  if I remember well (internet). I also watched the movie today and I quite enjoyed it.

   This is it for now. I will spend my first night of the summer holiday watching Grey's Anatomy and maybe playing the Sims 2, haven't done that in a while. Have a good day, everyone.

Wasted

   I finished reading "Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia" by Marya Hornbacher. The book was very good, so well written, so honest. I loved the absence of the "revelation" that made her seek recovery. There was no "finding Christ" and things like that.
 
   She tells her story from the beginning to the present, describing the scenes and feelings and all. I could relate to a lot of what she wrote. The book is sad, but it tells the truth about the things that eating disorders bring.

   I consider Marya Hornbacher a very strong woman. Deciding to recover and be healthier and just.. escape from the ED cage is a brave thing to do. She says she is still underweight (or was by the time the book was published -- she went from 50 pounds to 100). There is no "100% recovery", in my opinion, because there will always be this little part of us, deep inside, that will not be cured.

   If any of you want to read the book, and I totally recommend it, you can find a free PDF if you google the title and author.

Before I Go To Sleep

   I finished reading a book yesterday. It's called "Before I Go To Sleep" by S.J. Watson. It is about a woman (Christine Lucas) suffering from amnesia. She wakes up every morning without knowing who she is. With doctor Nash's help, she manages to write in a journal for several days, which helps her reconstruct her memories. Christine doubts the things her husband tells her about her past. As her journal grows, she's set on a journey for discovery. 

   I could hardly put the book down, and every page made me want to read further. It is a good book, in my opinion, and I recommend it.