Sunday, May 12, 2013

Moving out and dad

   Yes, it's been a long time since my last post. No time and motivation to write. I have some news, though. (long post coming up)

   I think I've said before that my mother has moved to Bucharest. New job, more money, new people. this was a good change for me, because I've been feeling a lot better since she has left. We see each other two-three days a week, though, sometimes less often. My parents told me that we will move in August. Actually, a few months ago they said I could choose to do whatever I wanted and I said I'd stay at my grandma's. A few weeks ago they told me that my grandma doesn't want to be responsible for me. What the heck? Do I look like a girl who gets drunk and stoned every single day? I was very pissed at my grandma and I still am, but now that I think about it, I would have hated living with her. Old furniture, old people, old mentality. If before I used to see her 6 days a week, now we barely see each other twice a week -- yes, I am avoiding her.

   I have been to our apartment (I also hate the transition from a house to an apartment, despite having lived in an apartment before) multiple times before. It's actually a villa with 3 or 4 apartments, there's also an indoors pool. I live next to a bunch of V.I.P's, which is why there are some sort of bodyguards with guns sitting in a car in front of the villa. My parents also said that they'll get me some small pet after moving. Not a dog or a cat, but a mouse or Guinea pig or something. I want a rat. The city is also more modern, because it is the capital. It is the only city in Romania with a subway, which I love.

   But just to make this clear, I hate the fact that I have to move there. I would never move to another city in Romania, but I would move to another country like Austria or Germany.

   Let's talk about the school now! It is called "Goethe" and people say it's the best German school in Romania. I will not believe this until I get there and see the teachers and the people and so on. If I google the school, I get some really interesting results. One of them is an article called something like "The teachers from Goethe don't know German." -- greaaaaaaat. Then there are 345676587 articles about the parents using fake papers to prove that their kids have German nationalities, which is required in order to be accepted into the school (for the first graders)... I'm not sure whether these papers are mandatory or not, but I know that if you have them, you 100% get accepted. I don't know how I should look at this: a) I will go to a school where most of the students have parents who have handed in fake papers in order to get their kids into this school or b) it's such a good school that parents would do anything to get their kids accepted. I think I'll pick a), just because I hate this entire moving situation. Other than that, I went to the school one week and a half ago, while we were visiting my mom. I went to the school with my 23-year-old female friend, the ex of the pedo 25-year-old (I can't remember writing about this here, but there was this huge argument between him and me+the 23-year-old friend. nevermind). We have both agreed that the school looks like a prison, at least on the outside. I hope that it looks better on the inside. Not to mention the facebook photos of some of the girls in this school - totally pathetic. Anyways, these kind of girls are everywhere, so it will be nothing new.


   Something horrible happened last night. I looked through some messages between my dad and my mom (don't ask why I do that, I know I shouldn't, but I do not trust them anymore and I need to know if theya re talking about me or about our moving to Bucharest. I am incredibly paranoid about that). There was a text message from mom to dad: "I can't sleep at night, I can't eat, I can't focus at work. How could you do this to me? How could you do this to us? Do you realize how bad this is?" Then he said something like "I have admitted that it is bad. But you can't always blame me and only believe what others say. Not every female person I talk with is someone I also sleep with."
   And that tore me apart.

   Not because I care so much about our integrity as a family, but because he is a cheater. My dad is a cheater. He is a disgusting person. I remember, when I was five years old, I found a porn video on our computer. Lesbian stuff. Then, sometime in January, I found lots, lots of porn sites in my dad's web history, on his laptop. His laptop broke a few weeks later, and he used my second laptop for a few days. Then he gave it to my uncle to install something on it. After I got the laptop back, I looked at the web history again and found porn, again. I thought "No, not my uncle... he can't be such a disgusting person, too," but then I looked at the date: the beginning of February. It was my dad. I couldn't resist the temptation to find out what exactly he was looking at (not the videos themselves, but you know, the general idea). I found a site with teen porn. That broke my heart and I started crying. And I kept crying for a few days, when I was alone. One night I looked again, more carefully, and found a dating site... well, not actually dating, but more like looking at pictures of naked girls and also having the possibility to contact them. There was only one woman's page that he opened: a woman from our city. Obviously blonde dyed hair. Obviously whore.

   The reason why these things affect me so much is because he is a married man with kids. How can he wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and not want to break it? How can he live with himself knowing what he has done? I can't even look at him anymore, he is disgusting me. People like him should be tortured, killed, murdered. I want to make him eat everything I will ever vomit from now on. There was this chinese torture method... Put the person in a huge pool (or something...) with milk and honey, force them to drink a lot; then they have diarrhea and poop into the same place they're drinking from, force them to drink and eat again, then they are eaten by flies. This is what my dad deserves. Disgusting.

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