Sunday, February 24, 2013


   I don't even know what to blog about anymore. I'm eating, purging, taking lax. I feel like my entire life is about my ED. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning, instinctively, is to touch my belly. Then I pee, take off my clothes, weigh myself, again, again, put my clothes back on. I wash my teeth. I go into my room and check for updates on the blogs I'm following. I get dressed. I make my bed. I take my backpack and go downstairs. I see some fruit in a basket. "No food today. Or try to eat just a little." I put on my shoes, my jacket, get in the car. I arrive at school. Classes. Sometimes I eat, sometimes I don't. Then I have Romanian/Maths/German tutoring (not because I'm not good at them, I'm actually doing well. But I have exams this summer and all the parents want their kids to get the highest grades). On Thursdays I go to therapy. On Fridays I go home. On a few of these days I go to gym.
   As soon as I get home, I eat and eat and eat and purge and take lax and eat some more and purge and don't wash my teeth (it harms the teeth after purging... even more) and go to sleep. Repeat.
   On Saturdays and Sundays I do homework, endless assignments and exercises and things to learn.

   I am beyond exhausted. I am tired. I want to cry right now because I've been working like hell all week(end) and I'm still not done. I want to die. Shoot me. Now. Please.
   My gym membership expired yesterday, so I'm not going to gym this week. There's no time. I need time.

   On a more positive note, I'm one book ahead with my 2013 reading challenge - 25 books. I hope I'll read more, though. I am now re-reading Bitterschokolade (bitter chocolate). My German teacher said there are some "inappropriate words." Guess what the words were? Penis and breasts. Jesus. We're not 8 anymore.

   All I need now is some time. And a hug. And a pimple-less face. Argh.

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