Saturday, September 8, 2012


   I feel so stupid for writing that title. I'm the kind of person who writes down everything. First purge, first day without food, first time I took laxatives. It was one year ago, just a few days before school started. I think.

   In the morning, I went to get my legs&etc waxed. I knew I had to buy laxatives after that. Laxatives - what a wicked, strange and new term. The pharmacy was just a few minutes away. I walked inside and axed  asked if they had Dulcolax. The lady said that yes, they had. I asked her to give me one box. I paid and walked away. I had tears in my eyes and I felt sorry, because I knew it was wrong. But I had to take laxes, I just had to.

   As soon as I got home, I took three of them. I was in awful, excruciating, death-inducing,  I'll-never-do-this-again, pain for the rest of the day/night. I also remember that I had a volleyball game the next day, and the lax were still "working." It was embarrassing, because I had to use the toilet a lot and I had cramps and -- it was just awful. I swore never to take them again, even if being empty felt so good. I felt like a snowflake. Cold, light, white, fragile.

   Want to hear another awesome lax story? I was in school and hat taken lax the night before, hoping that I'll be done by the time I have to go to school. They didn't start working until 11 AM, while I was in school. I had cramps and wanted to go home. Anyways, I stayed in school until 2 PM, when classes finished. I went home with my boyfriend (now ex. I should do a post on this) and told him I had cramps, so I probably wouldn't be able to stay much with him.  Brace yourselves. Ready? Ok. I had a little accident on the way home. It was really little, but enough to make me want to run away. I hope he didn't smell anything, God. If I think about it, a normal person would laugh their asses off at this, and I would too, but I can't. I was so insecure, thankfully we were close to my home. AND, thankfully-er, he saw his mom across the street. We couldn't kiss while she was there, right? I don't want to think how weird it would have been if we had been very physically close to each other. So yes, ladies and gentlemen, this was my awesome, literally shitty experience with laxatives.

   Actually, all laxative experiences are literally shitty.

   Where am I now? Taking 15 laxatives in one round, almost everyday (because it's summer and I don't have to get out of the house). It's a 5 times larger quantity, but there is almost no pain/it is bearable. I am very used to them, that's why, and it is sad.

   By the way. I love Starbucks Caramel Frappucinno! Too bad it's probably 300-400 calories, next time I'll take the light one which is under 100 calories. It's so damn expensive.

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