Friday, June 22, 2012

School is over

   Which is something I am very happy about. Okay, maybe not very happy, because I have got a lot of free time now = boredom = eating too much = fuck, but I have a low-calorie meal plan (later on that).
   I have won a prize at the end of the school year: a diploma and some money. I had curls (who didn't?) and a pretty, white dress. We had a theater play last night 9mom and psychotherapist came) and I ended up with lots of bruises, but I managed to cover them up.

   I will stay at my grandma's for the summer, because I have no control when I am at home. My grandmother has absolutely no junk food in her house, she barely has any food except the one she cooks, which feels "safe" for me. I will go to the gym, do my summer homework (some reading and exercises), I will take the longest walks and, hopefully, go out with B. We have been talking quite a bit lately, and he was the one initiating the conversations. I thought I'd give him some time and space, but it looks like he wants things to be different, too. I hope he does.

   I have also managed to stick to my eating plan for this week: Monday and Tuesday water only, Wednesday eat, Thursday I drunk water and coke zero (and burnt a thousand times the coke calories at the theater play, we sweated like pigs) and today (Friday) was an only-liquids day, not lower than 500 (I think?), but still, they are liquids. I expect a lower weight tomorrow morning.

   The book I finished reading today is Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. I liked it very much, I liked the way she put the words and showed what a struggle it can be to have an eating disorder. She nearly died - we all feel like dying quite often, on the inside. I do not know if I liked this or  Wasted  more. The latter was an autobiography, it was also quite "triggering" (read: it made me angry because I couldn't bring myself as close to death as the author has brought herself), making me cut exactly 200 times on my ankle, but I turned out alright. I would read it again, because I am not in a binge-purge mode right now. I am in restrict-purge mode, which is a better mode to be in when reading Wasted.

   The next book on my list is "Girl, Interrupted." I have it on my Kindle, it is only 59 pages there, but the writing is so small I can't even read it, so it must be way more than 59 pages. At least double, 160 -something  if I remember well (internet). I also watched the movie today and I quite enjoyed it.

   This is it for now. I will spend my first night of the summer holiday watching Grey's Anatomy and maybe playing the Sims 2, haven't done that in a while. Have a good day, everyone.

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