Saturday, June 2, 2012

"Misunderstood," concluded she.

"She started crying because I didn't ask her about the college money."
"Well, I don't believe that.. Why would she cry?" says he.
"Because she is stupid."
"Why do you say she is stupid? I mean, she is your mother.. You should respect her," says he.
"Because she didn't know how to use a condom when she had sex with dad."
"And I don't understand why you pretend to be so rebellious.. I just wanted to see if you made her cry for no reason again. When I was your age, I didn't say my mother was stupid and so on," says he.
"I didn't say it was a good thing to be a rebel," says he.

"I wanted to say that, if you stop acting rebelliously, your problems with her will go away. You cut for her last week, so maybe you will eventually stop cutting," says he.
"I did not cut FOR her."

"At your age.. What problems could you possibly have? Let's say that you cut twice a week," says he.
"You keep avoiding my question. What problems could you have at your age?" says he.
"I do not have problems. That's what you assumed."

   I go into my dressing. I look at my wrist. The scars are almost healed - there's only the dark-red skin. I cut.

"Let's say.. today you cut 16 times a month. Tomorrow you'll cut 30 times a month. If you cut because of every shit, what will you do in the future? What will you do when you will start having real problems, not rebellion problems?" says he.
"If I'll want to kill myself, I won't do it by cutting.. It's not so easy to die from that."

"You need to open your eyes.. have you opened your eyes yet?" says he.
"My eyes are wide open.. you just want to change their color."
"Look at you. I'm telling you to open your eyes and you tell me that I want to change their color," says he.
"It was a metaphor."

"I do not want to change you. I am not telling you to do anything. Anyways, I hope this half hour was not wasted.. I do not want to change your life. You have to figure out how to change your life. You can understand what you want, it's not my business.. I don't care if you understood anything or not," lies he.
"Then why did you even tell me?"
"Is that what bothers you right now? Why I told you all these?" says he.

"If you think that we all have different opinions and that everyone has a right to have their own reality, well.. you are wrong. There is only one reality," says he.
"Don't you tell me what my rights are."

"Okay, today's discussion was very.. what can I say, inspirational. Have a good night."
"Good night. Do you know what that is called? Abandoning a discussion," says he.
"Excuse me?"

He signs off. I sign off. I start writing a text message. He calls me. I reject him. I sign in. He signs in.

"You do not have a coherent argument, so you are abandoning the discussion. I just wanted to see if you were upset. I wanted to tell you these things for a long time now," says he.
"If you do not like rebellious (as you like to call me) kiddos like me, you can just tell me and I'll make sure you won't have this kind of creatures around you anymore."

That was me giving him the chance to break up with me.

"I don't know, I just thought I'd tell you and you would stop cutting," says he.
"That's not how things work.."

Have you ever been so misunderstood that you wanted to rip off your own skin?

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