Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The night is white..

   I look at the clock: 2:28 AM. My heart is beating a bit faster than usual: I've been exercising since 2 AM, my legs and arms are shaking, you are fat!, I failed to purge after a binge* and now my thoughts are racing.. I waited for my parents to go to sleep, the rain has stopped. I am tired and sweaty. In nine hours I'll be at the gym, on an elliptical, throwing my lungs out. I have experienced an awful pain on the upper right abdominal side a few hours ago, my mother said it could be the gallbladder. I couldn't move due to the pain, but I didn't want any medication my parents have offered. Meh.

*I do not really.. binge. I mean, I do eat an amount of food that is, in my opinion, enormous. But what is that, a few pieces of cake and grapes and chocolate and cheese? I do not eat thousands of calories, but what I eat feels very much to me, which is why I call it a binge. Maybe it is. Maybe it is not. I say it is.

   Back to what I was saying. I feel nauseated now, dizzy, my thoughts are spinning around in my head. I'll soon do the third round of exercises, then at 3 and something the fourth round, and maybe I will finish the fifth round until the sun rises. And after that I might go take a nap, then get up and meet with my friend at the gym. After that, I'll go take a shower and, if the weather is fine, I'll go out with my friend ("yay, more calz," well. it's true). Oh! And if I am lucky, I will make it through the day without a gram of food, maybe a drink or two, but not more. Pretty please?

   I want to die, have a nice day, I'm going back to exercising. Clock shows 2:40.

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