Break up: I loved you.

   "Dude. I have never told you that I loved you, but I did it. Maybe even now, more like a friend, and it's a thing I have never felt for [my ex], not for anyone. I thought I could tell you that, at least now."
"It's weird that I did it too, but also never told you."
"You don't have to say it only because I said it. I don't know, I was afraid that you didn't."
"I didn't say it because you said it. I did."

   That was precious. It brought me to tears, because those words have such a great impact on me. I never believed anyone when they told me they loved me. This is the first time I did.

   I told him I loved him because this did not seem real. It is like a dream - You are afraid to do anything, because you think it's real. Then you wake up and regret not doing that certain thing, because nothing could have happened to you.

   This was a dream. I told him I loved him. And nothing bad happened.


   We agreed that we'll break up for a period of time, to let things chill down. Then we'll see what out mistakes were and could start from fresh. He remembers the time when we were happy. I remember it. There is this little chance that we will get back together and I am not giving up on it. I am not giving up on him.


   A few months ago, I said I would kill myself if we ever broke up. I will not kill myself. I still hope for the best, for on more kiss on my lips.. I hope that everything will get back to normal, because if there is no him, there's nothing.

   This is not a teenage girl waiting for her prince to come on a white horse. This is me, fighting for what I love.


   I need to cut. I need to feel something right now, because all I feel is nothing, and that is not okay.