I can't even describe what I am feeling right now. Mentally, I am numb. I don't know if I am happy or sad or depressed or God knows what. I just.. am. Something.
But physically.. Physically, I am dead. I have been purging daily these days; both throwing up and taking laxatives. My head is spinning, it aches awfully. I finished the purge a few minutes ago. I could not stand on my feet anymore. I lay on the bathroom floor, naked, toothbrush in one hand. My heart was beating fast. My head was heavy, my eyes were sore and closed, I could not breathe because of my runny nose. I felt like I had run one billion kilometers. My throat hurts like hell and my voice is hoarse.
I am dead. Or at least, I wish I were.
I feel lonely. I want someone to hug me and tell me that yes, I am stupid, but that it is okay to be like that. I need... I don't know what I nee, what I want, everything seems unreal. I do not believe in the world, I do not believe that I exist, that I am writing these things. It's all fiction, it's all fantasy, we do not exist. I'm mad.
We're all mad.
Edit: This is the 100th post. How very nice.