ok, maybe this will be very non-sense and incoherent, i am not going to go back and spell-check and everything. i have just purged and my head is heavy. well. i have got some kind of infection-inflammation-irritation in my mouth, it hurts like hell esp when i eat. spicy or acidic stuff. i have only slept 4 hours last night and my eyes are super-sore. actually i think they're super sore because i've purged yesterday too, my face was red as fuck and my eyes were red and i looked like a demon or zombie or whatever. so i've been having these headaches for a few days now, the thing in my mouth for two days i think.. and yeah, only slept 4 hours. i am off lax for 2 days now because i get cramps out of the blue and then i go and shit and woaaaaah! some lax left in your system since 2 days ago, now that's not weird at all, is it? okokok. um. eah, i've bought some eye drops for my sore eyes, they are still very sore.
like i was saying, i have just purged, i was not sure at first due to all of the above things. so after not really succeeding at shoving my fingers down my throat (which i rarely do now, i use a brush instead), i decided i should just hit myself with the toothbrush. that kind of sort of turned my entire body red, actually the arms and ribs and hips. ok... after that i tried to purge again and voilaaaa, *hurp*hurp*hurp* for a few minutes, then i just lay myself down on the floor with the toothbrush on my stomach. my throat is so damn numb. it hurts. do you know what it's like to move your toothbrush so violently in your throat that you can feel it like it's going to burst through it and out of th neck? yeah that's so damn sexy. no it's not. then i managed to stand up and my legs were shaky, i looked like a person with a disability or smth (by no means meaning to be rude or offend), my legs couldn't quite support me. then i cleaned up, took a shower and *drums please* went to weigh myself. i only purged 1.2 kg. that iiiiiis, let me google it, 2.6 pounds. Meh.
i have a therapist appt tomorrow, i'll be full of bruises and with a disgusting hair and face and oooooh, body! and i bet i won't sleep tonight either, despite my eyes hurting so much and my head the same. fuckfuckfuck i sound so stupid. not to mention the way i wrote this post arghhhhhh/bye.