Saturday, May 12, 2012

Back home.

   I had more than a hot chocolate yesterday. I had some cake, a tomato, some onion and God knows what, but thanks Lord in Heaven, I have not binged. I came back from my grandmother a few hours ago. First thing I did - get on the scale. 55.2 That is good, it is around 120.5 lbs. BMI 18.7, almost underweight.. Almost. The secind thing I did was take all the laxatives I had, eleven. Then I ate ice cream and cake and grapes. nobinge-nobinge-nobinge. I will make myself a salad (tomatoes, green onion, cucumber, cheese) for lunch and eat it while watching Grey's Anatomy. So damn good.

    There is a semester paper next week, in Romanian. Then one in Maths on the 28th. I have not written the paper in German, for reasons I am not going to write here, because I want to keep my anonymity. But it is a good thing, so there is no reason for anyone to worry.

   I have not written a post like this in ages. All of them were full of blood and cuts and food and vomit and anger. Today I am better. I feel hypomanic and kind of happy, I want to do many things and even now, I am typing very fast. I have to study for my semester paper and for a test in Physics (God, I don't like that subject), I have to read a book which I dislike even more until the 4th of June. I am home alone until evening, when my parents come back from Bucharest. I almost feel the laxes kicking in, but I don't feel sick yet, which is fine. and which is why I'll go back to studying now. Then, maybe I'll write a Random Journal Entry, I feel like writing pages and pages and pages. I've been like that for a few days.. look what not eating makes you do. :)

   It has been a year since I broke up with my ex. Since I thought everything was going to be fine once I do it. I hope I am not going to fool myself again. I can't let that happen.

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