Monday, May 21, 2012

Just a cold

   I met toothbrush yesterday. We started playing and all that, but then we had to stop because she was bleeding. Poor toothbrush ;(

   I have had a cold over the weekend. Fever and all that. But yesterday, a binge/purge session kept me from functioning today, so I stayed at home. Fever, coughing, runny nose, fucked throat (toothbrush!), fucked back of the tongue, pain in the bottom left of my abdomen. Since I wasn't going to school anyway, I took eight laxatives and slept 11 hours. I didn't eat anything until tonight, because I couldn't taste/smell/swallow food.

   Funniest thing ever happened when I went to theater. They all saw I was sick to hell and back, wore no make up, etc. I told one girl I felt like throwing up (laxative nausea). We've known each other for almost ten years now. She asks,
"Have you ever thrown up? I can't imagine you like that."
   No. Of course not. I just want see if I can touch my stomach with my fingers, or am occasionally playing with my toothbrush in my throat to see if I can taste the toothpaste down there. Silly you, why would I throw up?
"Of course I did," I answer and laugh.

   I arrived home just in time to not shit my pants. I don't do it without laxatives, anyway. I could go a lifetime without shitting if I didn't have lax. Even funnier thing! I took Nurofen. One or two pills each day. Hello, my old friends, looks like I'll be swallowing you for other reasons than killing myself. Silly me. You won't ever kill me. I dare you. I double-dare you.

   I could have gone to school, of course. I would not have been able to talk, breathe, stay awake or anything for that matter, but I would have ended up alright. Maybe some falling down the stairs or something like that (like last time I felt sick and went to school), but nothing more.

   I didn't go because, after a week of eating, I feel awful.  I feel disgusting. The laxatives and this "cold" brought my weight down, but I don't know if it will stay stat way. Miss, you are not allowed to go up over night. You should stay down. Down down down, not any higher than 57.5, it can't be that much. I won't gain so much over night, because I weighed 56.8 in the evening after drinking a liter of liquids. I have eaten, but people lose weight over night, so hopefully my body will act like a human body, at least tonight.

   Conclusion: I love being sick. I enjoy it, because it makes you lose weight and you have no appetite. I didn't binge today. I took laxatives today. I should be fine. My nose still runs, my eyes hurt, my throat is numb but still hurts like hell, the abdominal pain will stay there forever (because of the throwing up). I refused seeing a doctor for obvious reasons.

   Because my cold is an eating disorder. My eating disorder is just a cold.

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